Trying out my new signature. =)

Sharing

Yes, it is January 31, 2010. The last day of the first month of the New Year....and I'm only just now getting on here to update my blog. I have been putting it off because there is so much that has been going on; some of which I wasn't sure how (or even if) to share.

I don't really know how or where to start, so I'm just going to sort of jump in in the middle and hope it doesn't sound too jumbled. I'm normally a very private person and have a hard time sharing the things that are closest to my heart or that I feel strongly about, but the Lord sort of gave me a push last week when he sent two sermons back to back that spoke to me personally about this very thing. One of these was specifically on how God uses hard times in your life and ways we can waste those experiences. (And one of those ways is by not sharing what He has been doing.)

Soooo...having said that let me start back in December or maybe even a little further back than that. (I was just realizing my last post was in Nov. =)

You may remember (or not=) in one of my last couple posts I mentioned coming down with the flu. This was back in Oct. and I had actually just found out that we were going to have another little Blakeman come join our family. We chose ...or maybe I should say, I chose...to not share this with more than just a couple people until I was further along and all danger of miscarriage was past. This coming from my dread of later having to deal with all the comments and/or expressions of sympathy on top of my own emotions.

Well, life, of course, continues to keep us on it's merry-go-round and while pregnancy wise I was feeling great, about two weeks later I start breaking out in this strange itchy rash that just kept spreading. Turns out my "flu" was a virus called pityriases rosea. Apparently it starts like flu and then develops a rash that lasts anywhere from 6 weeks to 3 months. (It's been 3 months and it's not completely gone yet.) It's not contagious, so I could continue my life pretty much as usual but with the added annoyance of constant itching and an embarrassing rash everywhere. It's not supposed to be dangerous to pregnancy, but I still had my qualms especially with my past history. Still... life keeps spinning and us with it. The holidays came and preparations for them kept me pretty busy. Then 2 days before Christmas I started cramping and bleeding, very much out of the blue. If you've ever had a miscarriage you know that unmistakeable feeling. You just KNOW...it's over.

I spent the rest of that day in bed...ironically, Ed was at work but due home the next day. It was very "deja vue". We talked together and both of us had peace that whatever happened it was in God's hands. When I woke the next morning I felt fine...no cramping, and with Christmas a day away I still had alot to do to get ready...so I decided I wasn't going to sit around waiting for something to happen. I wasn't going to be stupid, but I would try to function as normally as possible and do what I could to finish getting ready. We hadn't even told the kids about the pregnancy so I wanted Christmas to be normal if at all possible. And it was. It was a super special day with just our family. (I keep saying Christmas although it was actually Christmas Eve as Ed had to go to work Christmas Day.) By Sat. morning even my bleeding had stopped and I found myself wondering "is God performing a miracle here?". We had already scheduled to go spend the next week with my great-aunt in Texas and so we went ahead with that and I spent the weekend packing and cleaning besides the normal busy Sunday routine. We were leaving early Monday morning as we wanted to stop in Houma on our way to Tx to see Ed's family for just a little bit. By the time we left, I was bleeding again...heavily. Even as we were pulling out Ed offered staying home, but I felt peace to go ahead with our plans. We ended up having a really good visit all the way around and I'm soooo glad we went. I wouldn't have traded that for anything. On our way home home we stopped and saw first Lauryn and then Aunt Bonise and then came on home.

All of this going on in our little family while at the same time I knew other parts of our family were struggling too. My Daddy has been in awful pain for months with his back...spending most of his time in a chair or in bed. And then there was Uncle Mike's family...and all that they have gone (and were going) through. And Peepaw and Meemaw. Those of you who know us, know what has been going on so I won't elaborate, but I trust you will understand when I say, by comparison, my own little trials seemed small and I hated to even mention them.

A week after we got back from Texas (that would make it 3 weeks ago) I lost our precious baby girls. It did end up being twins. I am always amazed anew at God's miraculous handiwork... I was 14.5 weeks, and yet, while one of the twins had not developed, the other one was a fully formed little human. The preciousness of life, from conception on, can never be fully expressed.

I have struggled with how, and even why, I should share this. I don't know why. I don't know how the Lord will use any of this. I just hope it will bring Him honor and glory. I have grieved privately for these sweet little ones that I have never gotten to meet. I know that someday, when I get to heaven, I now have 5 precious little ones I will get to meet. And, while I rejoice to know that I WILL get to see them some day...it also makes me sad that I can't know them now. I wish I could understand the why behind God's working, but it is enough for me that He loves me and is in control of every part of our lives. And He truly is so good to us. I can't get over all He has done and how He continually blesses us beyond measure.

Also in thinking of trials and how God uses them...Br Johnny was referencing his father, who has been diagnosed with Lymphoma, and it made me think of Uncle Mike and his family. I have grieved with and for all of them, and I was thinking how Uncle Mike didn't allow his trial to be wasted. (Actually, I have to say that it has been characteristic of God's working in ALL of my family's lives. I just initially thought of Uncle Mike because of the lymphoma.) In thinking of others' sufferings I have debated what to say...and I have ended with still not knowing what to say. We can only offer our love and then turn to our Eternal Comforter who has Words enough for us all.

Over the next little bit I will try to stay more updated and add more about our everyday happenings. Trust me, there are just as many as ever. =) But for now I'm out of words. I hope God can use this, even if I never find out how.

Talespin Studio

In case you can't guess, that is going to be the name of my pottery studio (and possibly anything else I decide to design and sell). Ed has been working on my pottery wheel lately and I'm closer than ever to starting my dream of making pottery. Of course I really only want to make it for fun and personal use, but hey, if it turns out that I can make money on it in the long run, I'm certainly not opposed to the idea. =)

The name started with me needing to open an Etsy account this evening. And they tell you that your username will be your shop name if you ever decide to sell something. So I figured, why not make it a good one. Ed helped me brainstorm for a little bit and this was what we came up with: Talespin Studio. The idea being that there will be a story behind everything I create...sewing or spinning pottery... and also the little fact that I have 7 little loves that sometimes put me in a tailspin. AND ....we created my logo...which I have always thought was extremely important even if I never sell my stuff. I want it marked with my own logo. I'll try to scan a copy of our drawing, but it's a flying book with "Talespin Studio" cutely arranged underneath. Can you tell I'm excited? My husband is so awesome! I tell him that all the time.

Socks

I have this love/hate relationship with socks. In the winter, there is nothing better than cuddling up with a fresh pair of cozy pair of socks on when your feet are cold. [If you can find a match.] And the selection in the stores.... I love it! The cute colors and styles. Fluffy ones, fuzzy ones, stripey and polka dot ones, ones with toes. Too cute!

But here's the deal see... socks seem to disappear when it's time to go anywhere. Me: "Go get your socks and shoes on." Someone: (wailing) "I don't have any socks!" So I run to the dryer where I know I just washed an entire load of (I'm positive) nothing but socks and I can't find one single matching pair! Once I have spread the entire load all over my bed, I finally manage to scrape together enough socks to get us out the door. (So much for spontaneity.)

Awhile back, I got tired of looking through 15 drawers to find socks so I designated ONE drawer for all the kids socks. They usually all get put in the drawer unmatched and at some point it's someone's job to match them all.{ Not Isaac though, until he learns how it's supposed to work. I had him do it a couple weeks back and at first glance they seemed ok, if not somewhat lumpy. But on closer inspection, like when I went to smooth them out, I found 3 or 4 different socks all stuffed into one. And not one single one matched any of the others. I had to laugh at that one.} Theoretically, it works like a charm....realistically, we rarely have matched pairs of socks. So those who are less fashion conscious ( and have somehow escaped Mom's scrutiny) wind up with two beautifully mis-matched socks.

Then, there is the finding of dirty socks under every piece of furniture in the entire house. (Yep, pretty sure they didn't miss even one.) And at least 1 out of every 3 of these have some sort of little toy or toys stuffed into each one. Who ever came up with that one must have thought they hit on a brilliant idea. "Hey, I know, let me see how many match box cars I can stuff in this one...then the others will never find my secret stash! I'll even hang it from this hook on the back of the door so that even if they do see it they can't reach it. Awesome!"

Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I growl. =)

On the upside, when I ever do open the drawer and find it full of folded matched socks it's inspirational and exciting. Yeah, I know, I lead a boring life.

So that's how it goes...but, honestly, as frustrating as it is sometimes....I wouldn't trade it for the world. It means I have a houseful of little feet running around that bring lots of joy and quite a few laughs.

Where has the time gone?

I was looking at the date on my last post and realized with a shock how long it has been. I think the last couple months have blown by in a flurry of fall leaves. =)

We saw Mom and Dad and the girls off to Mozambique (for 6 months until Priscilla's wedding), and then I immediately dived into prepping all my Duds for Doodlebugs stuff. While doing that I caught the sewing bug and decided I could save alot of money if I made/repurposed a whole bunch of the kids clothes. That produced a whole lot of mess and great results. (I am hoping to post pics of it all.) We squeezed in a weekend trip to Ed's folks and I also got to spend an awesome couple of days with one of my best friends shopping and sewing. ( Hoping to post pics of that too.) I have attempted to do a certain amount of schooling and while we have had a few good solid weeks , I hate to confess that, alot of the time, the demands of the moment have over-ruled my attempts. I try not to let it overwhelm me when I consider how much of the year we have left and how much of it will be spent NOT doing school.

Maybe one day I will get it all figured out.....

Monday, we had a joint birthday party for the girls--complete with outdoor hotdog roast. The weather was absolutely perfect for it. Then the last couple days, when everything was finally slowing down and I was going to get back on that wagon.... I get sick. Flu I guess, I just know I felt miserable. I'm hoping that I'm on the mend now. I think the Lord lets me get sick ever once in a while just to keep me empathetic with my babies when they are sick. Otherwise I'm saying "suck it up and quit whining". =) (Maybe I'm exaggerating just a bit, but that does happen to be a tendency. Especially when everyone is crying. =)

What next?

Well, I'm planning on catching up with a cousin I haven't seen in forever on Monday. Seriously, probably 10 years. Soooo excited about that. And after that, we have a couple school field trips planned for next Friday.

So what has the Lord been teaching me lately?

Well, I think He is always trying to teach me many things but I'm such a slow learner. Seems I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Like forgetting to prioritize and letting my whims dictate what happens at any given time.

But a couple of verses the Lord has brought to my attention lately are in 1Peter where I'm attempting to continue to memorize.

1 Peter 4:9 &10 " Use hospitality one to another without grudging. As every man hath recieved the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God."

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE company and doing for others, but occasionally I get frustrated when some of my carefully laid plans get "rearranged". And this was a good reminder to, even in my heart, be thankful and gracious with every bump that comes along.