Sometimes I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff with a hang-glider strapped on my back and I'm staring down at the canyon way below...and I'm considering all the implications (and probabilities) of my falling. And I have this whole crowd of people behind me saying "Isn't this so exciting, you're going to fly! what an amazing opportunity...etc". My mind is screaming, "No you don't understand, I don't know how to do this," and all I can think of is that my feet are being edged closer and closer to the edge and there is nothing I can do to stop it. All I can do is just hang on and hope I fly.
Well, today is that day....I'm looking into re-ordering school books and I'm realizing what grades and materials we will be needing to cover (Aaron will be going into 6th grade! and Levi is starting Kindergarten), and then I'm also considering how much I need to get done over the summer, what my school schedule SHOULD look like versus what it ACTUALLY looks like......
Yeah , I'm panicked. I don't know how to multiply myself. The older ones are needing more attention and the younger ones are needing more attention and the middle ones need more attention too!
So I'm here...blogging... telling myself to breathe... and pray. Especially to pray... and not cry. (Ok, maybe cry.) Ultimately I know the Lord is in control of my life, but I also know I have a huge responsibility... and I feel so close to failing. But you can't fall until you've jumped off the cliff you know... so maybe, with God's grace, I could fly. Maybe it could be the ride of a lifetime. I don't actually know how we've gotten where we are except by God's grace already. I need to be spending more time focusing on God's possibilities, instead of my own insecurities. I need to be speaking to myself Truth! " I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles..." More promises than I can record.
Ok. Deep breaths and pray.