Sunday, January 15, 2012

Ponderings for 2012

In trying to compose my post for the New Year, I've had several conflicting ideas about how to do so. One)...just dive in, give an update what's going on with us and continue from there, or... Two), take a more serious turn and wax eloquent on the meaning of life, etc. etc.
 Well, I still haven't decided which I'm going to do yet, but maybe by the end of this post I'll know. How's that?
  On my mind at the moment is a discussion we were just having after Sunday dinner. (We often have family over and our discussions can range from politics to health to get the picture.) Today we were discussing perspectives on the Christian life. Mostly how easy it is to get caught up in just "doing things" that we lose sight of Christ and how focusing on Him is our only hope for accomplishing anything of value. That led me to another introspective consideration of my own struggle for perfection in my life and home. I think that as Christian's we all probably struggle with this to some degree or another, but for me this is what it might look like.
 I want my home to be organized and scheduled. I want to have meals on time and the kids performing their duties quickly and well (a.k.a. : perfectly). And I want to have this image of togetherness, while still being honest and real. And that's just the outside. I want to be perfectly in control of my emotions, responding at all times with patience and wisdom to every question, disaster, or situation that is thrust upon me. And I want to ALWAYS have that spiritual awareness and application that we are to "strive for" as Christians.  But then I realize that is all backwards, because then my focus is on doing and being all these things. I don't want my focus to be on my strivings or goals, but instead on Christ. For me, that is taking the time to get quiet first thing in the morning and give Him my day. No, not a formula. Not reading my Bible and praying (that I can easily do and check off my list), but taking time to "be still". To get quiet and let HIM speak to me. And then go on with my day. Do I do that? Sometimes. Do I want to make it a habit to do that? Yes. But only inasmuch as it doesn't become an item on the "to do list". Don't get me wrong, I absolutely think that we have to keep a steady diet of God's Word whether it's routine or completely absorbed. But my point is, that in itself is not enough to prepare my heart. The heart preparation comes from acknowledging my own insufficiency and His Grace! When I have done this, I am always amazed at how my day sort of takes care of itself. Am I perfect that day? No. Do my kids behave perfectly that day? No. BUT I have peace...and we have a mostly peaceful day. But then, I need to do it all again the next morning. And odds are, I will still be trying to run in the strength of that one day for a week or more.
  So...all of that to say, that's my application of what Paul meant when he said "What I would, I do not, and what I would not, that I do...."(and so on).
   Anyone who knows us ( meaning anyone who lives close enough to see us regularly) knows that most of my "wants" aren't actually a reality. My attempts to get there are what is. Most days I'm ok with that, but being in my last trimester means I not ok with anything (most of the time). Ask me in the morning and I'll say...things are going great! Ask me in the evening...and I'll tell you  that life is terrible, I'm an awful Mom, a complete failure, nothing got done today,....yeah, you get the picture. =)
  Soooooo, what exactly are my "New Year's Resolutions"? Hmmmm. Good question.
I'll tell you one thing....I plan to have a baby soon. Like hopefully 9.5 weeks from now. After that I might be able to tell you what some other things I want to get done are. Well, ok, I guess it's not as soon as I would like and I do have stuff to do in the mean time. Like teach my kids, and get ready for said baby. Yeah, guess that would be a good idea. (Sigh.) Some people...just have to be practical and all .
   Well, I never blog in the car, but I happened to bring my laptop this time as we are on our way back to church. I was kind of on a roll there and with my mind being the unreliable thing that it is lately I figured I might want to finish writing my post now or it wouldn't get done until maybe the end of Jan. 'Cause one act of procrastination always leads to another dontcha know. (smile)
  Anyway, now you know what this post tell me. I know there were no real updates, but seriously...just flip through some old posts and you pretty much know what happened. Have to save that for another time and day. =)
   Catch y'all later!

1 comment:

Janell said...

GREAT POST!!!! Can hardly wait for 9.5 weeks to get here... I'm not rushin' ya though! :-)It was great talking to y'all yesterday. Love ya!