Seasons

The end of August.

 Another season coming to an end. 

A good friend reminded me again this morning at church....this time we are living in is just a season. I need that reminder a lot. 

  Seasons come and go, but our Lord stands fast evermore. The question for me is: Am I making the most of this season I am in? Or am I wasting it by wishing it were different? I don't want to look back at my life and have my most prominent emotion be regret. Regret that I didn't enjoy the varying seasons of my life more. 

 Here is the thing with seasons, you can't pick them. God designed them to be what we need to sustain life here in this world. And He designed to come at set times. Those times might vary from place to place depending on where you live, but they do come. Each in its own time. And then they pass and it is time for the next season. I want to live in full enjoyment of the season I am in, in every sense of the word and in every facet of life.

  I do actually have favorite ones... the absolute top is Spring. Bursting with fresh hope and new life and beauty. And then Fall next with its cooler weather and all the accompanying coziness that surrounds that season for most of us.  But there is so much to enjoy in every season if I take the time to listen and hear and see and observe.

  In my children too. I love the baby seasons. Innocence and trust and wide eyed wonder. But every stage of growing up has so much joy to be found. The excitement of trying new things, the maturity and discipline that comes from the hard stuff. The comfort of deepening friendships. Each one beautiful in its complexity.

    I have found the "lesson of seasons" is seen so clearly in a garden. It was the most exciting thing to actually have a successful garden this year. It looked beautiful, and grew like crazy, and produced well. Until it didn't. Until the cows got in and trampled a lot of it. Until the caterpillars invaded and stripped tomato plants. Until I got too busy to properly tend and prune and tie up and cultivate.  And then the season was past, and we pulled it all up. And I see so many life analogies in that reality.  And then I see grace. Again.

  God's grace that gave the life to begin with. And His grace in blessing our lives with it this year. And Im reminded that's its not all dependent on my performance, because Im going to fail. But His grace never fails. And always outgives my expectations.

  May I live in this season and await the next with an expectant and thankful heart.

Where to begin...

 The year is 2020.
The month is April.
I turned 40 last July.
It has been 2 years since my last blog post.
I am blogging from a laptop for the first time in 8 years.
The world is currently in quarantine.
We are not living on our homestead at this time, due to another flood 16 months ago.
Our third child is set to graduate high school in another month or so.
 I started a soap business (sort of) at Christmas time.
  Any of these topics could be their own post ( or series of posts), but I'm really rusty in blog speak. My thoughts feel too complex and weighty to begin to separate and address them. This used to be the place where I could come and sort things out, but once you lose the habit of something, it takes awhile to figure out how to begin again. One thing I've come to understand is, you can't go back, you just have to move forward from where you are.
 So here I am.
Starting over.
 I don't know how any of this will look as I dig in. I'll probably take time to refresh the face of my blog. I don't even know how much time I will have to give, but I feel the need to do this for my own spiritual growth, as well as for my kids' future benefit. Especially my girls.
 I don't know if I still have any followers...I would be pretty surprised if I do...but if I do, please know this is not about the life of a person who has it all together. This,...whatever this is or becomes,...is just a scrapbook of grace. God's abundant grace that takes my own broken pieces and makes them over again as He sees fit. So that I might be useful for His kingdom.
 " We have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God and not of us."

A Spring Moment

I wish there were enough pictures and words to accurately portray the beauty of spring in our woods. It's the smell in the air when I get up and go outside. It's still cool enough to need a jacket but I didn't grab one, so I just stand and shiver for a minute while the rooster is growing and the hens are cackling and the dog is barking her crazy head off. The cats come rub against my legs (two of whom have just had litters of kittens 😬)...and I'm reminded that they need to be fed. The laundry on the line and the garden that is starting to produce...and all the unfinished projects of course...all pull at me. But I take a minute to just breathe and look up. And the incredibly blue sky is a stunning backdrop to lush green treetops. Everything is green now, or almost everything. Our new road is revolutionary. Truly. Everything is just a little bit easier to manage having that lovely long expanse of mud free walking, and I rarely walk down it without thanking the Lord. Yes, I'm fighting sand and red dirt now, but that's ok.
 I hear the birds singing and twittering, and I soak in the view and think...God made all this and entrusted it to us. Not just our little piece of land, but the world as a whole. What a privilege! And what a responsibility. I can hear Him so much more clearly outside, surrounded by the reality and beauty of His creation. It's  peaceful in this moment. The clamor of pressing needs and responsibilities and worries all fade and I hear "Be still and know that I am God". And I also hear ," Be careful for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known into God, and the peace of God that passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. "
 And I know that it's true.

Will there be mud in Heaven?

I'm surrounded by mud most of the time.
There is mud outside.  Huge swampy puddles that we have to navigate around and through.
There's mud on the porch. And muddy boots. There's mud on the rug. And in the kitchen.
There's especially mud in my laundry. And in the shower.
Basically, it's everywhere.
Some days, all I see is the mud. When we go to town (aka church), it's a process of wearing mud boots up to where the truck is parked, switching to our church shoes in the middle of the road while juggling the 50 million things that must go with us, and then do ??what?? with the muddy boots....
It's a constant challenge to keep from sinking. Literally and figuratively.
 I asked Ed one day last week if he thought there would be mud in heaven.
He said "yes". I say "no".
I think there will only be perfectly moistened soil. And lots of grass. And flowers. Who's with me?
  I've been trying all week to get a blog post written. Not just in my head but actually on paper. Or more precisely, on my new Kindle fire. But it's just been one of those weeks. Run out of phone data several days too soon, issues with our solar power, issue with our water system, mud. You know, death by a thousand paper cuts, or something equally dramatic.
 And then we come to yesterday. Sunday. Where I was reminded yet again that our enemy's tactics are pretty much always the same. And have been since the beginning.  Deception. Distract us from the goal. Discouragement. ( Text taken from 2 Sam. 15:1-6)  Why do we find it so easy to forget?
 I'm sure many of you have seen the movie War Room.  I've been attempting to do something similar with a bulletin board and notebook ( although the privacy and quiet are a little harder to come by) . One of my new years goals was to renew a dedicated quiet time. Not just fit it in wherever I can through the day. It hasn't been a perfect success, but that being said, the reminder for me is this. That this war we engage in, the struggle in the midst of the mundane. Is for our hearts. Our minds. Our thoughts.
I need this reminder daily. Even hourly. It's embarrassing how easy it is to find I've spent all day mentally rehashing a conversation I wish I had gone differently. Or what I'm going to do about _____. Or even complaining to myself. Embarrassing.
  I started recording things in my prayer notebook too. Not journaling, but relevant Scripture, some quotes and even thought provoking questions. And they remind me. Of how big my God is. How small my problems are. Who my enemy really is. ( And no it's not the mud.) And what my weapons are to fight with.
  My list of "To Do"s , the obstacles that seem to lie in front of us, the weight of responsibility that sometimes threatens to overwhelm...
  " Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things...but one thing is needful. "
 I only need to have one item on my To Do list.
   Sit at Jesus' feet and talk to Him.
 You can't even see the mud if your eyes are closed.

M.K.s: Then and Now

So I recently stumbled across a paper (thanks to my sweet Dad) that I wrote my senior year of high school. It was a project for speech and, I confess, I was cringing a little when I re-read this old paper (that I will actually share with you here) due to its amateurish writing and my very obvious youth. But it triggered a whole host of thoughts and emotions that I felt should be written down, which then turned into this blog post. Please bear with me in this somewhat-awkward-but-very-real, trip down memory lane.

                          M.K.s: A Paradox not a Paragon
                                 
  Today I want to discuss how missions relates to everyone in general and M.K.s in particular. First of all, What are M.K.s? Well, M.K. stands for "missionary kid" or a little missionary. Missionary kids are people just like you. They aren't aliens. I admit, sometimes they do look a bit strange - even talk weird - but they are human. They have feelings just like everyone else. They laugh, they cry, sometimes they even get scared and lonely, but most of all they love. They love God and they love people.
  As people, in many cases, they act just like you would. They aren't superhuman, they do make mistakes - plenty of them. In other cases, if their actions are different than yours, consider how they grew up. For example, if they are ecstatic over peanut butter and kool-aid for Christmas, just overlook it.
 M.K.s are also paradoxes. Not paragons - paradoxes. They can fit everywhere, yet they can't fit in anywhere. They get to go the most, yet they also get left behind the most. They have lots of friends, yet they often go friendless. living in the midst of a lot of people, loneliness is no stranger to them. But - in spite of all that, M.K.s are very privileged. They are allowed to see and participation God's work first-hand. They get to travel and a get a broader perspective of what life is like for others all over the world. They get to learn new languages - and use them in the U.S. so no one knows what they are saying. They are given so many opportunities to learn, even if they don't graduate when everyone else does. They get hands-on training - better than a college class-room can give.
  Okay, so we know a little bit of who they are, but what do they do? A question frequently asked is, " Don't you get bored with nothing to do?" Well, hardly! There is plenty for a missionary kid to do. They live over there just as you do here - well, almost, anyway. What I mean is, life is made up of certain basic activities, and M.K.s do those basic activities too. Perhaps a little more or less than you do, but they still do them. They work, have school, and play by turns. They witness and sometimes even suffer persecution. One of our personal friends was talking to a Muslim priest and he said something the priest didn't like, so the priest punched him in the mouth and knocked his front tooth out. That's not a common occurrence but it does happen.
  Last of all, let's look at what M.K.s need. Just like anyone else they need a lot of prayer. They are subject to so many pressures and Satanic attack, prayer protection is essential. Many times, even all times, prayer decides the success of how an M.K. spends the rest of his life. Did you know that only a small percentage of all missionary kids return to the field?
  They also need love and support. This goes a long way with them. They accept the fact that they won't please everyone or be liked or approved of by everyone, but if they know that they are loved and supported by their family and friends it really helps. It makes decisions easier if they know that they have support no matter the outcome. And they do. God is always there. He provides love, and if they are following His will, support too. Don't pity them, they don't need your pity. But a little understanding will go along way.
 In closing, I want to say that M.K.s don't have a corner on God. God is there for any and everyone who will accept Him. M.K.s sometimes have a more balanced perspective than others, but that doesn't mean that others can't get it too. God will use anyone, any time, any place if they will just trust and obey. You can be a missionary right where you are. If I've don't nothing else, I hope I have caused you to think and helped you see things from a different perspective.
                                                                            
- by Jessica Rogers -


 so....yeah.  I felt it deserved a re-write or an update. If you still feel like reading that is..

     M.K.: A Paradox not a Paragon (20 years later...)
  What is an M.K.? I'm not sure anyone ever truly knows what these strange creatures are who call themselves missionary kids, least of all themselves. 
  I wrote that little paper 20 years ago now, right before graduation. having spent very little time on this side of the ocean. Fast forward about a year and half and I was married to a wonderful man from south Louisiana. Thus began my life in a culture that was, in many ways, more of a mystery than any I had ever lived in before. I my paper I noted that we are a paradox of ideas. Walking contradictions. I felt this more than ever as I tried to adapt to my new life. That is one thing we do a lot of: try to adapt to the situation you are in without looking like an idiot, or making any grave social faux pas, while also appearing relaxed and at home. Marriage and parenting added fathoms to that concept.
        I never would have imagined that I would spend the next 20 years in just one country, America. That I would not get on another plane for 10 years, that even then it would just be to another state, or that it would scare me to death. ( What happened there?) I never imagined that "Cajun" was a foreign language ( aren't we saying the same words?) or that the most complicated culture I would ever learn would be my own. (I still haven't figured out what the secret southern code is for who you hug and who you shake hands with. Anyone? a little help please...) I never anticipated how hard it would be to be the one left at the airport gate waving goodbye to Mom and Dad and siblings, wondering when I would get to see them again. Or how much I would miss traveling and all those mission conferences. Don't get me wrong, I love my life in all it's surprises and adventures since being married. We've certainly had plenty and I wouldn't trade a day of it. It's just that the adventures weren't ones I was expecting, and the biggest surprise to me was not that life changed...but that it stayed the same and I didn't. I couldn't. God was taking me a different direction.
 I won't lie, it was a scary thing when I first thought I was losing my identity as a missionary kid; and while we often are more than willing to challenge the status quo, and think outside the box, we still instinctively shrink from fundamental change. Now where do I fit in? How do I identify myself? 
 In many ways I'm still figuring that out, but the simplest answer is this. I find my identity in Christ. and I fit into His Kingdom. We all do. That is where we all find our ultimate belonging. And my mission field is right here, where I live every day. Just like it's always been, regardless of geographical location.
  In re-reading my paper, I was struck by something I wrote then but didn't really understand. And that is this: as much as we are different, we really are< all of us> the same. I understand this better at 38 than I did at 18. We all struggle to fit in. To know who we are. To feel comfortable in our own skin. We all feel the same emotions: joy, pain, fear, loneliness, love...the same God is above all, and in all and through us all...
 I'm also pretty sure we can't claim a more balanced perspective. Maybe a more multi-colored one. But to claim balance indicates perfection, and we are far from achieving that. I also hope I'm not being presumptuous in saying "us" in reference to missionary kids. I realize each person's experience in as unique as they are. These are just some observations from my own life as well as that of siblings and other family and friends over the years. 
 I may never have the privilege of traveling overseas again, though I hope and pray that I will, but I know that I'm still an M.K. My parent's are missionaries and always will be, regardless of where they live. And I'm learning about a whole new phase called 'Being a Grown-up Missionary Kid with a Family of your Own'. Who knows. I may write an update in another 20 years.

 (P.S. A huge shout out to all the spouses of all missionary kids everywhere. We couldn't do it without you.  I know I certainly got the best, and I thank God for the privilege of living life with him every day. )

JESSICA

Mopping in the middle

Do you ever find yourself waiting for the optimum time to mop? I do this all the time...
      Used to, I would do it after the kids were in bed, but anymore I'm too tired by then and always promise myself "tomorrow".  We are 10 people living in under 800 square feet (and that's counting the loft), so it's a challenge to have the floor clear enough to mop. Now sweeping...that happens 10 times a day. Give or take. But mopping just seems like one of those chores that I like to do super thoroughly and it's hard to find that perfect time to move everything enough to be "thorough". So I usually end up spot mopping and consoling myself with false promises. However, this weekend a sick little boy and a batch of baby chicks sort of forced my hand. I made up a batch of mop water and just started mopping right in the middle of the chaos. I mopped around people and under feet. I mopped under furniture and moved buckets. And every few minutes I had to shake the excess grass and wood chips out of my mop. ( I had already swept at least 4 times immediately prior to mopping.) By the time I was done my floor was decently clean. Not perfect, but sanitary at least. And I was reminded yet again that life is what happens while you are busy making plans. There is never a perfect time to mop. Or sew. Or write that thank you note. Or make that call. Or read a story to your toddler. You just have to do it. And do it in the middle of the mess and noise that makes up our lives. Because those are the things that make it lovely ( and clean😉) and worthwhile.
Happy mopping!

( ps. This is still Jessica, I just sometimes use Ed's profile because I'm too lazy to switch users. 😊)

Seeing God in the puzzle

I love jigsaw puzzles. I love that you can take a mess of jumbled up little pieces, and bring logic and reason and a little creative thinking to it, and it turns into something cohesive. Beautiful.
  We have quite a few 1000 piece puzzles, but, because of our small space, I haven't been able to figure out how to work on one without it taking over the house (another puzzle:).
Until now.
I've finally hit on a working solution, and it has made me so happy. It's the little things, y'all! I realized that if I used several stacking puzzle trays ( aka old lasagna pans lined with paper). I could stack them inside a small lidded tote and put it under the bed when I have other things to do. But then I can pull them out and work on them easily when I have a bit of time. And the kids can join me too. Maybe. If I'm not being too OCD.
 Anyway, I happened to have some time today, and  I'm currently working on this amazing one that is an Eye-Spy puzzle of mixed up vintage board games. Very cool. So I was working on this one area that seemed almost complete but there was a piece that I could tell was supposed to fit and it just wouldn't go anywhere I tried it. I finally gave up and had moved on to another area when I stumbled across the piece that made that little picture all fit together. And it struck in that moment how much we do that with God. Events in life, or even parts of the Bible, just don't seem to line up or fit together. And it's because we are missing some of the "pieces". We won't see it all here on this earth, but sometimes...every once in awhile...God lets us have another piece of the puzzle that puts things in perspective. I know this is not a new revelation. It's been said many times before. But it was a sweet reminder that whether or not what I'm seeing makes sense right now, it will one day.
 And in the meantime...we just keep putting together the pieces God has already given us.

Answered prayer

"Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised; and His greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall praise Thy works to another, and shall declare Thy mighty acts." Psalm 145: 3-4. 

    I just hung up from a 4 hour conversation with my parents, and am overflowing with joy and thanksgiving to hear all the blessings the Lord has poured out on them this past week. He has been doing amazing things, and it is so exciting to get to hear and share in even a part of that. (Daddy has a sort of on-going joke whenever anyone uses the word "amazing" or "awesome", he will say " You mean just normal good?" but in this instance he himself said "This week has been amazing!")

  As many of you have also done, I've been praying almost round the clock over the course of this past week (and even a little before). It was just such a huge burden on my heart, and even though I couldn't be there in person, I wanted to have a part.  

  Its hard to even know where to begin with this, but I guess the first thing that struck me, was how overwhelmingly touched and blessed my family was individually by the team that the Lord sent over. One thing I had prayed for specifically was that each individual member of my family  would be ministered to in ways that they needed the most. ( The Lord did that for each of us recently with our revival meeting, and I desired that refreshing for them.) Dad and Mom both said this is the first time in their 35 years of ministry that a team has come to help and minister with them and to them. Of note, three of the people who ended up going were not originally intended to be there and took the place of someone else, but Mom said it could not have been a more perfect blend of personalities and abilities for what they needed. 

  I'm afraid I could go on and on in detail for a while, but that would make this way too long to write or read. So I'll do my best to summarize the highlights. 

   The meetings themselves went as planned with a good attendance both of the believers there, as well as some of their dear friends who have not yet come to know Christ. It has been a surprising and sweet phenomenon that my family has been welcomed and "adopted" by several families who are not believers. Some of these are important and influential men in the country. They have been building relationships  with these people and Dad said he feels that the Lord has begun breaking down some walls through this Bible conference. (Another direct answer to prayer.) 

  As a whole, the Word preached ( by several different preachers and through a translator/ preacher) was well received and blessed many, but the conference was not without its opposition. A couple of the preachers experienced some sickness, although thankfully they were still able to preach when it was their turn. Also, there was a Q&A session after each message that one person used to try to create trouble through hostile questions and challenges throughout the meetings. The Lord allowed all his questions and challenges to be met and answered with love and wisdom and grace. Instead of hindering the gospel, it merely served as an avenue for God's love to be shown in a very real and honest way.  ( 2 Thes. 3:1-2. Answered prayer.)

  You know it's been great when there just isn't enough time or space to share all the " little moments". When brethren have prayed and worshiped and served and laughed and wept together it creates lifelong bonds in Christ and in the gospel. "...an odor of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, well pleasing to God."

   Thank you to each one of you who have labored with us in prayer this past week. You have been a part of the work in the most vital way possible. Please continue, the fight is still on. 

Romans 8:28

It is always a humbling source of awe and wonder to see the way the Lord works in our lives.

 Usually I see it in retrospect.

 But it never fails to fill me with a sense of both my own unworthiness and His powerful love. 

And as much as one would think we would never forget the details of these things, our human frailty all too often leaves us questioning His care when for brief moments we lose sight of where His hand is and what He is doing. Which is why I have to keep coming back to writing things down. 

 Recording them, if you will. There have been many times when it has felt useless or pointless to write stuff down because "I had nothing to say". Because I didn't even know what I was thinking myself and I certainly didn't want to invite anyone else to my muddled pity party of lost perspective. 

 But this isn't about me. Or my family. Or any one person or group of persons. This is all about God. And what He is doing and what He desires to do in us and through us for His glory. He desires that " all should come to repentance". He desires that we "be conformed to the likeness of His Son".  He desires for us to trust Him no matter what. Not just trust that He is all powerful, but trust that He cares about each one of us individually and that His purposes are being carried out even when we can't see how. And that He is working all things to our good in spite of what circumstances look like in the moment. 

 We've had some faith testing experiences this year. We were some of the many whose homes were flooded back in March.  Now, I'm not relating any of this in an attempt to elicit sympathy or pity but rather in order to record what God has done for us. If I was just telling about all we lost it could definitely seem discouraging. And I won't lie and say that it wasn't disheartening after 2 1/2 years of work to suddenly "lose" everything we had been working toward as well as a good percentage of our personal belongings.

  But God... 

He is the difference. He takes the discouraging and turns it into an account of His power and grace. He has shown Himself strong on our behalf in so many ways. There was an overwhelming outpouring of love and help from family and friends. There were some big things we were able to rescue ( like our brand new deep freeze) that were pretty essential. A few of the major appliances. A lot of the biggest power tools, etc. All of our electronics. There were many little things that helped encourage us early on. Then the process of trusting the "what next?" to the Lord was another challenge.  

 But let me just jump ahead and say that what we lost really can't be compared to what we have gained. In experiencing the Lord's provision. In learning how He is always faithful. In seeing how He cares. Yes, He Cares!  

 It wasn't a magical experience. It was hard and dirty and discouraging and slow. But the Lord never promised us easy, or convenient, or pain free. He promised to be with us. It might seem He's asleep in the back of the ship while there's a storm threatening to drown us, but even in that He is the Master of the wind and the seas. And He wants us to have faith in both His ability to handle the situation as well as His love for us. 

  They say there are levels to learning.  I believe there are levels to faith too. I would have said I firmly believed everything I've just written for a long time. But there is a level to my knowing now that wasn't there before. And it's been the same for each of us. It's been a strengthening experience for my children's faith too. They have seen the Lord provide and rescue and restore.  

 Just before moving back home we were able to take a family trip out to Colorado. It was primarily to be at Ed's brother's wedding, but ended up being a vacation we all desperately needed.  It will require its own separate blog post, but was yet another token, to us, of God's loving care.  And on returning from the trip we moved directly back to our homestead. 

  We have been home 2 months now and life seems normal again. (Although I'm not sure we will ever be "normal". ) We are richer than we were before. Not in material things, but in things that can't be measured or counted. 

 And just so you don't get the wrong impression, I haven't stopped wanting to fix the siding or paint the walls. But I don't want that to be all I focus on or think about. I'd like to continue to celebrate the little victories without having to see the whole picture.  Or even the big victories. 

  Speaking of big victories... This whole blog post got started by a conversation with my folks. And an update on specific answered prayer.  I'll let you read that update here if you are interested. 

 And I think that's enough writing on my part, for now. 

A new post for a new year

I've always said that New Year's Day is my favorite day of the year.
It's like a new notebook and a freshly sharpened pencil. A gift I haven't opened yet, full of potential. You know the quote from Anne of Green Gables "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet." That's a new year, on a way bigger scale.
 I have so many hopes for this year. Things I want to see accomplished. Goals for our homestead. Goals for the kids schooling. And definitely personal growth goals.
 However, I've been reminded many times over the last month ( or year for that matter) that our plans are not always God's plans. And while I know He does want us to plan for the future, we are still supposed to be open to His will leading us to places, (and through places) we weren't expecting to go.
 We are currently going through the bible study "Faith Crisis" by Ron Dunn in Sunday school. And every week has been so on target for what we were facing. And I don't know why it always surprises me to hear and see the Lord working, when I know He always IS! I'm usually just too hung up in my own plans to notice.
  So if I only could voice one goal for this year, it would be to notice more. 
To notice the good more than the bad. 
The kind more than the careless. 
The beauty more than ugly. 
The stars more than the mud. 
The smile more than the frown. 
The provision more than the need. 
The blessings. 
"They are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness O Lord!"

Happy New Year!!!

In search of...

I lost the truck keys. Not misplaced. Lost.
As in... 90% of the 5 acres of woods we live in is underwater, muddy, or covered 6 inches in dead leaves.
And they might be outside somewhere.
Or the dog could have buried them.
That is, if my 3 yr old didn't hide them first.
Have you ever tried asking a 3 yr old where something is? You will end up with at least (if you're lucky) five, different, totally credible, stories that you are compelled to verify or disprove.
 Yeah. That kind of lost.
So you can sort of imagine how I've spent the last week. Everything inside the cabin has been taken apart, shaken, moved or cleaned. You would think with barely 600 sqr feet of living space you would run out of places to look pretty quick. If only.
Other things I may have also lost:
Sanity.
Self-respect.
Time.
Opportunities.
And temporarily...Perspective.
 In recent years I've gotten pretty good at just rolling with whatever happens, but I gotta be honest. This one thing really got me.  Cause I had a ton of stuff on "my" agenda. (Not unusual.) And I definitely had a plan. And so far my plan had been working great.

•   Go to bible conference. Enjoy lots of fellowship. Come home.  Then go to Texas for cousin's wedding. Enjoy long awaited trip.  See lots of family. Come home. Cook like crazy and then spend Thanksgiving in Wiggins with more family. Enjoy lots of yummy food and more fellowship. Come home. Begin prep work for christmas building project (aka finishing boys and girls rooms). 

 Losing keys was not in that plan.

So now I'm in search of. Something. And yes, I overthink everything. I question and analyze and rehash. Every.Thing.  It actually annoys me that I do this sometimes. It would be much simpler mentally if, just once, something could happen and I would NOT attempt to find the deep hidden meaning behind it all. {sigh}
  Anyway, the keys are still lost, but hopefully tomorrow we will be up and running again. Living where we do, we had hoped to save some money by not having to call a locksmith all the way out here. So we ordered keys online. I guess tomorrow will tell if we are successful in that or not. I'll try to let you know how it turns out.
 Maybe The Lord wanted me to slow down. ( see, still looking for deeper meaning.) or maybe this was just one of those "trying of your faith worketh patience" things. If so I feel I'm pretty topped up on patience just now. 😊 Now for a little peace, hope and joy.
 Happy christmas prep to you all.

It's just a number.

 Today is my 36th birthday. I have already been texted and called and face booked and loved on with well wishes from sweet friends and family. Since the kids are insisting that I stay in my bedroom while they fix my "surprise", I have time on my hands and plenty of thoughts to keep me company.
     I read a quote some time ago, " I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I Say."
And I have found that to be true of myself  in some ways. Blogging helps me focus and clarify my thoughts. So I'm taking I-phone in hand and figuring just what I think about this day. This year. This life.
 One thing I am realizing is that your age is really just another number. It can define you or you can define it. I'd like to choose to be the definer this year.
 One of the biggest factors for me, and the thing that catches me off guard, is the realization of the passing of time. It's preciousness and it's fleeting nature. We all lost two very precious people in my grandparents this past year. They were anchors in ways I hadn't realized until they were gone. I also just said goodbye to my parents and younger sisters as we saw them on their way to their newest missionary adventure. Once again time seems almost mocking in its power. I find myself struggling to gain a foothold in uncharted territory.
 And why this seems so hard right now I don't know? Goodbyes are not new to us.
  The one thing that is certain, I do " ...know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day. " I can't claim to understand. But  He desires us to trust Him, not necessarily to understand Him.
   As I write this, it all seems so much simpler than the actuality of it. The what-ifs hover at the edges of my mind. It has to be an hourly excercise of committing the future to a loving Lord.
    You know when you read a devotional or self help book, how it seems like the author has all the answers and you just wonder how they got to that point? Well, it's my belief that authors struggle to practice what they preach just as much as the rest of us do.   I know Meemaw was always speaking of what she was struggling with and or still learning until The Lord took her home at 84.
  It would seem that no matter your age, all of life is a crazy trust excercise. And you should never stop learning.

Showers and bugs

There's something special about showering with the moon bright above you and the silhouettes of trees standing guard over the night just beyond the edge of your little circle of light. There's magic in the contradictions of the hot steam rising all around you and the light breeze blowing over your head and around your feet. The music of crickets and frogs makes you almost forget about the spider spinning it's web in the corner and the million moths that are attracted to the lightbulb overhead. No matter how primitive it is, and the seeming inconvenience of have to walk down the path to the shower house, I still always feel sort of sorry for folks that don't get to experience this delicious freedom.

I tried and tried to get a picture of the moon through the trees tonight, but it just wouldn't take properly. I guess in the end it's something you have to experience.  A picture can't do it justice. Over and over I am amazed and humbled at all the ways God shows us His glory. From tiny insects that we couldn't live without (even if we wanted to) to the moon that controls our tides and and so much more.

  This past Monday we got to see all of the amazing ways God expresses Himself in nature when we took the kids to the Aquarium and then the Insectarium in New Orleans. Beauty and majesty and sometimes comedy and creatures that make us say, What??? All just prove that we don't know a fraction of what we think we do when it comes to God. The insectarium really blew me away. I've always loved nature and as a kid loved to catch frogs and lizards and dragonflies with the best of them. As an adult I still love nature, but I'm not such a huge fan of certain members of the bug club. Aka spiders, roaches, and the more creepy of the littlest creations. But I was reminded yet again... through seeing the different displays and hearing about the way all of these amazing little guys work together to keep our world balanced and healthy on a level we can't even comprehend.... How great is our God!

The earth is full of the goodness of the LORD!

A Room With a View

We finally got our windows installed a little over a week ago, and it has been so enjoyable to see the outside world clearly again while still maintaining our warmth.
(Not that we needed warmth this week. haha)
 I know some of you have really been wanting to see some pics, and I'm afraid my only excuse for not posting sooner is I was just too lazy. It has been a very rainy, muddy week and all my energy and ambition looked about like my yard did. Therefore... not much got done that wasn't vital to existence.
 But today the sun is shining again, and since I have about 30 min of downtime before we have to leave for church again I thought I would share my "point of view". ;)

                                         Living Room before windows (All of them looked like this but this is the only one I remembered to take a pic of.)

                                        Living Room the night Ed installed them …I love the way the lights are        reflected in the glass.

                                         Living room daytime view

                                        My Sunny Kitchen! :)

                                           The dressing room/closet …didn't actually have an opening here before.

 Our yard since this week.                                            My Room! With a view

                     This is a panoramic of the loft, so it's a little skewed but we will put a window in here too.

                                    The new quilt on my bed. Yeah, the pillows will be getting a facelift.

                                        A gorgeous and rare luna moth we found one night!

                              Well, my time is up. Gotta run. Hope you enjoyed the view! ;)

A few of my favorite things!

I have been looking at milk paint for a couple years now, wanting to try it out, but it wasn't really a priority before. Now we are talking kitchen cabinets and other details and I wanted to give it a try. So I ordered a sample of all Miss Mustard Seed's milk paint from  The Ironstone Nest and it came in last week! I was giddy!
 I had also found a gorgeous piece of fabric on ebay that seemed perfect for the cabin, and that came in as well! I'm pretty sure there isn't much that makes me as happy as new fabric and new paint! (Ok, maybe a new book. ;-)
 I've already mentally painted every piece of furniture we own (and some we don't. lol).

 Keep watching, cuz I'll be posting some of my experiments in the not too distant future. =)

Adventures in Roofing (and other things)

I promise I haven't been spending all my time on Pinterest. Much as I would like to. We have also been living life and "getting stuff done".
 Several projects are coming to completion, and I'm so excited to share them. One of the biggest things is getting our roof finished. Hahaha. I'm sure you are wondering how we have lived for 16 months with no roof ?!?  Don't worry, we haven't been huddled in a hovel with rain dripping in. We have managed quite well and stayed cozy! But it has been a work in progress:
 
 Stage 1:  Oct 2013--We started with a heavy duty double layer of blue tarp and a layer of Tyvek over our rafters.
Stage 2:  March 2014--We transitioned to beautiful pine beadboard ceiling with a layer of Tyvek  for waterproofing and flashing trim (with tarp and Tyvek left on the porch roof).
Stage 3:  Feb 2015--We began our final stage yesterday by getting rid of our last piece of roofing tarp on the cabin and installing corrugated sheet metal on the porch roof. Today we added insulation and corrugated metal over the top of our beadboard and Tyvek on one side of the roof, and tomorrow, Lord willing, we finish the last bit.

It has been a bit of a slow process due to many circumstances. Not the least of which is doing all the work ourselves, with 8 kids in tow.  I will be the first to say they have been a HUGE asset in this adventure! But it also makes things chaotic interesting. One minute you are on a roof nailing down boards and sheet metal, the next you are mending a cut on a nose with super glue. Not me. Ed.
  Sure is handy to have a guy around who can handle everything from building cabins to patching up kids. ;-)
 We have gotten so much done in the last month though, and several more projects lined up to finish too. Our windows have been ordered and will be installed next week hopefully. And the kitchen got insulation and board walls. The intense work seems to go in spurts. Some months it's just a little thing here and another thing there, and others, it seems there aren't enough hours in the day, or days in a week.
 I won't even tell you when the kids had a bath last, but at least my laundry is staying caught up.  ;-) And we are doing the bath thing tonight.
  I had hoped to post a few pics from when we started, but those are inaccessible right now so here are a few from the last couple days.

 Side note here about the chicken nest….we have 5 hens and they have finally started laying again over the last month or two, after a long while of nothing. But the last few days (maybe a week?), not only were we not finding what I thought was all the eggs, but then one of our chickens went missing. After many searches, we naturally assumed the worst.  Then, suddenly, today she comes clucking into the yard happy and healthy and we were able to find where she had hidden out. 29 eggs, my friends! and that is a record.

 More pics later. =)

Happy world

Everyone has probably seen the meme " All I want is a cabin in the middle of nowhere…….and wifi". :) Well, my friends, I now have it all. A cabin in the woods and wifi! The best of both worlds if you will. So now if you are wondering what I'm going to be doing with my week ….wonder no more. I'll be on Pinterest!
        Check back later I might have a real blog post on here! ;)

Random

Sometimes I think one of my biggest mistakes as a blogger is only posting when I feel like I have something big to share, but I was just on a friends blog and was captured by her style. They aren't always long posts, but usually very thought provoking, and giving a relevant picture of her life too.
 Something I need to learn.
  I'm just bouncing around today so in the spirit of randomness here goes.
Sunday:  We stayed in town last night because the girls got a chance to go see Anna Laurie perform in The Nutcracker and the rest of us spent some quality Pinterest time with my sisters. ;) Ed is working, kids are currently watching some Veggie Tales, and I'm online while we all wait on our much belated soup to cook (well, ed isn't. not sure what his lunch was today. ;) It will be back to church at 5 for kids choir, followed be evening services. I'll be heading straight home after church since I hate driving at night and don't want to prolong it if I can help it.
  This week will be spent hopefully getting our homestead whipped into shape for any random company that might drop by. aka Pete and Holly are coming and I want them to be impressed. lol. Also hoping to finish up some Christmas gifts I've been trying to work on, and then get stuff wrapped. Sleep and meals are debatable but I suppose the family would appreciate it if I gave them some thought too.
 Also on my mental to do list is to begin to set some goals for 2015. Even as I type that it seems weird, cause I'm not used to using 2014 yet. C'est la vie, huh?
  Relationships. Goals. Beginnings and endings. Old things and new things. Journals, blogging, and scripture memory. Teaching and being taught.
  I told you. I'm random today.

Asher and Wyatt clowning

Wyatt will one day thank his sister for putting a pink and purple scarf on him.

This is the beginning of a beautiful road.