Levi's perspective

The kids are sitting at the table coloring and singing and levi is really belting it out" It's not about me Lord, it's all about YOU..." Then he pipes up " Hey kidth, I have a pwiviledge...you can sing the rest with me!"

My verse for the week

"And God is able to make all grace abound toward you: that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

Busy week (for a change)

I've been telling myself for the past week or so that I needed to post again and I just haven't gotten around to it. I've been trying for the past few weeks to get de-cluttered and organized (yet again) and we finally finished up the last of that last week. I had originally planned a yard sale but with everything that has happened and as cold as it has stayed we just decided to donate it all to Goodwill. I don't really have a place to store it, and the whole point of de-cluttering is to get it OUT of the house. I am enjoying having a home for everything and even an overflow place in the shed. I can actually turn around out there and find stuff. I mean I have tubs with labels on them. How cool is that?

Inside the house we have unmixed the kids rooms and given the girls and boys back their rooms. Asher has joined the boys now and it's strange not having a baby bed in my room.

We had planned all of this before the miscarriage, to make more space, but it is working out in any case, because with Mom and Daddy coming home for Scilla's wedding, I will have lots more floor space for air mattresses and pallets.

Speaking of wedding....that has been a fun item on the to do list. Holly and I have been helping her with little details Stateside that she can't take care of herself. And having a ball doing it! I do still have some dresses to finish (Ok.. to be honest I've barely started the first one) before the wedding. In fact, I had a stress dream the other night that it was an hour before the wedding and I suddenly realized that I hadn't made any of the dresses and everyone was looking at me wondering where they were. I woke up so panicked it took awhile for Ed to calm me down. lol.

I have the best husband ever... he has helped me so much. I wouldn't have gotten any of the de-cluttering done without his help. And he has started wood working again and is making me furniture. !!!!!! So excited about that. The swing set for the kids for Christmas sort of got him started again and he is enjoying it so much. The boys are loving it too... they get to help. So far he has made the swing set, a picnic table, and a toybox for the boys. He has so many projects on his to do list though...that's just the beginning. =)

Well, I would write more but I have a dress fitting this after noon and I want to make sure the living room looks decent.

Trying out my new signature. =)

Sharing

Yes, it is January 31, 2010. The last day of the first month of the New Year....and I'm only just now getting on here to update my blog. I have been putting it off because there is so much that has been going on; some of which I wasn't sure how (or even if) to share.

I don't really know how or where to start, so I'm just going to sort of jump in in the middle and hope it doesn't sound too jumbled. I'm normally a very private person and have a hard time sharing the things that are closest to my heart or that I feel strongly about, but the Lord sort of gave me a push last week when he sent two sermons back to back that spoke to me personally about this very thing. One of these was specifically on how God uses hard times in your life and ways we can waste those experiences. (And one of those ways is by not sharing what He has been doing.)

Soooo...having said that let me start back in December or maybe even a little further back than that. (I was just realizing my last post was in Nov. =)

You may remember (or not=) in one of my last couple posts I mentioned coming down with the flu. This was back in Oct. and I had actually just found out that we were going to have another little Blakeman come join our family. We chose ...or maybe I should say, I chose...to not share this with more than just a couple people until I was further along and all danger of miscarriage was past. This coming from my dread of later having to deal with all the comments and/or expressions of sympathy on top of my own emotions.

Well, life, of course, continues to keep us on it's merry-go-round and while pregnancy wise I was feeling great, about two weeks later I start breaking out in this strange itchy rash that just kept spreading. Turns out my "flu" was a virus called pityriases rosea. Apparently it starts like flu and then develops a rash that lasts anywhere from 6 weeks to 3 months. (It's been 3 months and it's not completely gone yet.) It's not contagious, so I could continue my life pretty much as usual but with the added annoyance of constant itching and an embarrassing rash everywhere. It's not supposed to be dangerous to pregnancy, but I still had my qualms especially with my past history. Still... life keeps spinning and us with it. The holidays came and preparations for them kept me pretty busy. Then 2 days before Christmas I started cramping and bleeding, very much out of the blue. If you've ever had a miscarriage you know that unmistakeable feeling. You just KNOW...it's over.

I spent the rest of that day in bed...ironically, Ed was at work but due home the next day. It was very "deja vue". We talked together and both of us had peace that whatever happened it was in God's hands. When I woke the next morning I felt fine...no cramping, and with Christmas a day away I still had alot to do to get ready...so I decided I wasn't going to sit around waiting for something to happen. I wasn't going to be stupid, but I would try to function as normally as possible and do what I could to finish getting ready. We hadn't even told the kids about the pregnancy so I wanted Christmas to be normal if at all possible. And it was. It was a super special day with just our family. (I keep saying Christmas although it was actually Christmas Eve as Ed had to go to work Christmas Day.) By Sat. morning even my bleeding had stopped and I found myself wondering "is God performing a miracle here?". We had already scheduled to go spend the next week with my great-aunt in Texas and so we went ahead with that and I spent the weekend packing and cleaning besides the normal busy Sunday routine. We were leaving early Monday morning as we wanted to stop in Houma on our way to Tx to see Ed's family for just a little bit. By the time we left, I was bleeding again...heavily. Even as we were pulling out Ed offered staying home, but I felt peace to go ahead with our plans. We ended up having a really good visit all the way around and I'm soooo glad we went. I wouldn't have traded that for anything. On our way home home we stopped and saw first Lauryn and then Aunt Bonise and then came on home.

All of this going on in our little family while at the same time I knew other parts of our family were struggling too. My Daddy has been in awful pain for months with his back...spending most of his time in a chair or in bed. And then there was Uncle Mike's family...and all that they have gone (and were going) through. And Peepaw and Meemaw. Those of you who know us, know what has been going on so I won't elaborate, but I trust you will understand when I say, by comparison, my own little trials seemed small and I hated to even mention them.

A week after we got back from Texas (that would make it 3 weeks ago) I lost our precious baby girls. It did end up being twins. I am always amazed anew at God's miraculous handiwork... I was 14.5 weeks, and yet, while one of the twins had not developed, the other one was a fully formed little human. The preciousness of life, from conception on, can never be fully expressed.

I have struggled with how, and even why, I should share this. I don't know why. I don't know how the Lord will use any of this. I just hope it will bring Him honor and glory. I have grieved privately for these sweet little ones that I have never gotten to meet. I know that someday, when I get to heaven, I now have 5 precious little ones I will get to meet. And, while I rejoice to know that I WILL get to see them some day...it also makes me sad that I can't know them now. I wish I could understand the why behind God's working, but it is enough for me that He loves me and is in control of every part of our lives. And He truly is so good to us. I can't get over all He has done and how He continually blesses us beyond measure.

Also in thinking of trials and how God uses them...Br Johnny was referencing his father, who has been diagnosed with Lymphoma, and it made me think of Uncle Mike and his family. I have grieved with and for all of them, and I was thinking how Uncle Mike didn't allow his trial to be wasted. (Actually, I have to say that it has been characteristic of God's working in ALL of my family's lives. I just initially thought of Uncle Mike because of the lymphoma.) In thinking of others' sufferings I have debated what to say...and I have ended with still not knowing what to say. We can only offer our love and then turn to our Eternal Comforter who has Words enough for us all.

Over the next little bit I will try to stay more updated and add more about our everyday happenings. Trust me, there are just as many as ever. =) But for now I'm out of words. I hope God can use this, even if I never find out how.